In a previous post (click here), I shared a testimony of a friend who has been struggling with the sin of sexual immorality. She mentioned being scared of confessing publicly and personally because of the potential risks, but she still wanted to speak her sins out loud, hoping it would relieve some of the burden on her and hoping someone else might be reassured that even though sin is bad, it’s part of humanity.
Now, I don’t know about tips and tricks, but what I do know is that when we sin against God, especially these long-lasting, almost part-of-us kinds of sins, it’s because of two things:
- Lack of self-control
- Lack of the fear of God
It might sound harsh but no matter what advice I give today or how many sermons you’ll listen to, It usually comes down to these two things.
Lack of self-control
Titus 2:11-12 (NIV): For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.
Sin is an action, thought, or behavior that goes against the will or commands of God and ultimately it separates us from God. The same principle applies to all sins but the main focus today is sexual sins.
Sexual desire itself is not a sin but a natural part of human creation. It becomes sinful when it leads to actions or thoughts that are outside the boundaries of what is considered righteous and pure according to biblical teachings. The devil sometimes doesn’t even bother with us when we lack self-control. He already knows that we’ll put ourselves in trouble with our self-indulgence.
Having self-control means even though you have this natural desire, you don’t act outside the boundaries of God’s command.
Biblical examples:
- David and Bathsheba: 2 Samuel 11
- Solomon and his harem: 1 Kings 11:1-4
- The Israelites and the Moabite women: Numbers 25:1-2
Whenever a sin is committed, it’s because at that point, we’re slaves to our desires. A trivial example is eating too much because the food looks good or because someone else is paying for you. Gluttony is a sin, no matter the reasoning behind it. A person with self control would know when they’ve had enough food and leave the place.
Proverbs 26:11 – “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.”
We’ve been created in the image of God meaning that we’re different from animals who are controlled by their desires. We have moral and ethical responsibilities, eternal souls, higher levels of consciousness and rationality. We should be able to recognize our natural desires and still have the willpower to control them.
Even philosophers like Immanuel Kant would tell you that using your body to satisfy you sexual desires is morally wrong (except for marriage). He would tell us to use our reason and not allow our desires to rule us. As Christians this reason would then be based on what our Heavenly Father considers good and bad. So controlling yourself and your desires is already a step in the right direction.
Notice I never said we have the power and strength to do this all by ourselves. Thinking you can overcome sin by yourself is arrogance. As followers of Christ we have to do our part; pray, worship, seek God out, read His word, bask in His presence but know that this alone isn’t enough. Temptations will keep showing up for as long as we live but God know us and knows what we can handle: 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV) – No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
Do your part as a believer in Christ, take responsibility for your actions, but also surrender fully to God and invite His Spirit to reside within you. The more space you allow God in your life, the better you can control your earthly desires and shift your focus towards Him. This makes it harder for the devil to exploit these desires and lead you astray.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV): Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Lack of the fear of God
Proverbs 9:10 (NIV): “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”
Ecclesiastes 12:13 (NIV): “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.”
Proverbs 16:6 (NIV): “Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for; through the fear of the Lord evil is avoided.”
Proverbs 3:7 (NIV): “Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.”
The bible is very clear when it comes to sexual sins. Any sexual act outside the design God created (Marriage) is a sin, it doesn’t matter it it’s an act committed with your eyes, mind, mouth, heart or legs. A sin is a sin.
Knowingly committing a sin is deliberately disobeying God. Hebrews 10:26-27 (NIV): “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.” It simply means you don’t fear God, you don’t respect Him but yet you expect Him to forgive you over and over again. It’s appalling because we wouldn’t do it to our fellow humans but yet we do it to God.
Let’s not forget that although our God is merciful and forgiving, He is also a jealous God who can destroy a nation within the blink of an eye. Is this really the God we want to play with?
Of course sins aren’t us simply acting out on our desires because we wish to. Sometimes there are supernatural powers behind these sins. Check your surroundings; Is there a pattern in your family? Is there a curse? Is your behavior or sin a punishment because of what your parents or ancestors did?
When you lose control over a certain area in your life, check what’s behind it; is it God or the devil? You can either be possessed by the Holy Spirit or by a demon and trust me the devil doesn’t approach us dressed like the devil, rather he disguises himself into something that attracts us and makes us lower our guard and by the time you realize what’s going on it might be too late.
Let the fear of God be so apparent in your life that you stay away from the things or people that make you go astray, Matthew 5:29-30 (NIV): If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
Self-control or not, let God take over your life so you don’t end up dead (spiritually and physically).
Ephesians 5:6 (NIV): Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.
Conclusion
We can sit here all day wallowing in self-pity about how bad we feel every time we sin against God and make up different schedules or future plans on how to battle these addictions. The bottom line is that we should reinforce ourselves and dwell in the spirit of the Almighty so we can gain more self-control over our desires and actions. The second important thing to do is remember who God is and have that Holy fear. I’m not saying we should tremble everyday over going to hell but rather remember His might and power.
Consider this when faced with temptation or strong desires: Is the fleeting pleasure I might experience worth risking the wrath of God? Is this sin truly worth disobeying the Almighty Father who created everything, the One who sacrificed His life for my salvation? This is the reverence and fear I’m referring to.
If you’re not surrendering to God, working on yourself, trusting in Him, fellowshipping, obeying Him….how do you plan on overcoming these sins?
For those who are still interested in tips and tricks:
- Seek Guidance: Don’t be afraid to seek guidance from the right people who can offer support, advice, and accountability (Proverbs 11:14 (NIV) – For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers).
- Prayer and Scripture: Pray, pray, pray and pray. God hears our cry, He listens and He speaks to us. Position yourself in a place where you’ll be able to hear Him. This can also help strengthen your spiritual resolve and provide comfort and guidance in times of struggle.
- Develop Healthy Habits: Engage in activities that promote physical, mental, and emotional well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, and spending time with positive influences.
- Avoid Triggers: Identify and avoid situations or triggers that lead to temptation, such as certain websites, movies, or social media accounts. Practice self-control!!!
- Accountability: Find an accountability partner or group with whom you can be open and honest about your struggles. This can provide support and encouragement as you work through challenges.
- Professional Help: If the struggles persist and become overwhelming, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in issues related to sexuality and addiction. Preferably the ones that understand the religious implications of sin (not the one who’d tell you; it’s natural and don’t be hard on yourself).
- Forgiveness and Grace: Remember that everyone struggles with temptation and sin in different ways. Offer yourself forgiveness and grace when you stumble, and remember that God’s love and forgiveness are always available. However do not use this as an excuse!!
Prayers:
Pray for Strength
Pray for Purity of Heart
Pray for Accountability
Pray for Forgiveness
Pray for Renewal of your spirit
Habits:
- Daily Scripture Reading: Make a habit of reading the Bible daily to renew your mind with God’s truth. You can’t watch porn while reading the bible.
- Prayer and Meditation: Set aside time each day for prayer and meditation, seeking God’s guidance and strength. Don’t only pray when you need something, make it a habit to constantly be wanting to hear His voice. It’s either His voice or the voice of evil.
- Fasting: Consider periodic fasting as a spiritual discipline to help cultivate self-control and dependence on God. You’re literally starving your flesh when you fast. If you can control yourself from eating (which is a basic necessity), you’ll eventually be able to gain self-control when it comes to lust.
Remember that overcoming sin and temptation is a journey that takes time, patience and dedication but with God all things are possible.
Stay Blessed x
