Celestial Diary

Youth Sunday: 12/05/2024

Dating is one of the most controversial topics amongst Christian youths. People always have a lot to say on this matter but usually they speak from their own experience, what they were taught as children or what they believe is right. The bible itself says very little on this matter and this is something I’ve noticed more recently.

Many controversial topics we have issues with as Christians, are topics that aren’t explained on ink in the bible. This leaves room for interpretation and speculation causing confusion and strive when it’s not necessary.

There are different types of romantic relationships, each with a different title and terminology causing more confusion. Understanding what they mean can help us act accordingly and attribute the correct label to our relationships (labels come with their own responsibility).

In today’s post I want to focus solely on the definitions and meanings behind each title.

What is dating?

Dating refers to the social activity of spending time with someone romantically or with the intention of exploring the possibility of a romantic relationship. People spend time together to get to know each other better and determine if they are compatible for a more serious relationship or partnership. This is the typical ‘let’s see how it goes’ kind of relationship.

The purpose of dating is to develop emotional intimacy, build a connection, and assess compatibility with a potential romantic partner.

Dating often involves less commitment and may not necessarily lead to a long-term relationship or marriage. Some people may choose to date casually and see multiple people at once, while others may prefer to date exclusively and focus on building a deeper connection with one person at a time.

It may focus more on shared interests, attraction, and compatibility rather than long-term compatibility and commitment. Some examples are casual outings such as coffee dates, movie nights, dinner dates or attending events together.

Dating can vary in length; depending on how long it takes for someone to make up their mind about the other person.

Dating is like having many friends only to eventually decide who will become your best friend. I personally see this as a waste of time. Why should I spend my time, emotions, and energy exploring if I may or may not want to be with someone romantically? Isn’t it better to be friends first?
How is asking for my favorite color or hobby going to help you make that decision?

You either like someone or you don’t, and if you’re not sure, getting to know them as friends makes more sense. Dating a stranger from the start can cloud our judgment and make us miss obvious red flags once our emotions and hormones take the lead.

What is courtship?

Courtship is a more intentional and purposeful approach to romantic relationships, with the goal of marriage. Picture a scene from a Victorian-era movie: a man and a woman meet, accompanied by a watchful chaperone. The setting is formal, with every glance and gesture carrying weight. Despite the boundaries, there’s a charming anticipation of romance in the air.

Unlike dating, which may be more casual and focused on getting to know someone romantically, courtship typically involves a higher level of commitment and often includes the involvement of family and community in the process.

In a courtship, individuals seek to build a deeper connection and assess compatibility with a potential marriage partner. The focus is on developing a strong foundation of friendship, shared values, and mutual respect, with the ultimate goal of entering into a lifelong commitment.

Characteristics of courtship are:

• Parental Involvement: Parents/guardians may play a significant role in guiding and overseeing the courtship process, offering advice, and providing wisdom based on their own experiences. This means your parents or guardians are aware of the person you’re courting and are actively involved in the relationship unlike dating.
• Group Activities: Courtship may involve group outings and activities, allowing the couple to spend time together in the presence of family members and friends. In the case of courtship the two are rarely alone together and even if they are alone, others are aware of where they are and what they’re doing (this is how it was in the past, but recent generations have redefined how couples interact during courtship).
• Emphasis on Character: Courtship places a strong emphasis on character, integrity, and compatibility, as individuals seek to discern whether they are well-suited for marriage. It is more than attraction or having fun with the other person. In courtship you actually assess if you see yourself in a lifetime commitment with the other person. It also means you’re looking beyond your attraction for that person.
• Commitment to Purity: Many courtships prioritize purity and abstaining from physical intimacy until marriage which is in line with the word of God.
  1 Thessalonians 4:3-6
  3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
  4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable,
  5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;
  6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.
• Clarity of Intentions: Unlike dating, where the goals may be less defined, courtship typically involves clear communication about the intentions and expectations of both parties regarding the relationship and its potential future. There is no matter of ‘what are we?’ because both parties know exactly where they stand, what they’re working towards and how they ought to behave.

To summarize; courtship is a deliberate and purposeful approach to romantic relationships, with an emphasis on discerning God’s will, seeking wise counsel, and building a foundation for a strong and lasting marriage. Universally commitment, intentionality, and mutual respect remain central to the process although there might be some cultural differences.

What is marriage?

Marriage represents a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman before God, intended for companionship, mutual support, procreation and upbringing of children.

It involves the highest level of commitment, with vows made before God and witnesses to love, honor, and cherish one another for life. This is why one ought to consider every possible aspect before jumping into marriage. It is a very serious life-commitment that can make or break a person and others involved.

Marriage is characterized by sacrificial love, mutual respect, and a commitment to grow together spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Very similar to how we as Christians ought to be committed to God.
Ephesians 5:25-27:
²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 
²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 
²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

It is considered a divine institution, designed by God for the welfare and flourishing of humanity.

It occurs after a period of courtship, during which the couple has discerned that they are compatible and called by God to share their lives together in marriage.

Marriage also involves both legal and spiritual aspects. Legally, marriage is a recognized union by civil authorities, and it comes along with rights, responsibilities and legal protections.
Spiritually, marriage is a sacred bond that is consecrated before God and blessed by Him.

It serves as the foundation for the family unit, providing a nurturing environment for the raising of children and the transfer of values and traditions from one generation to the next.

In summary, marriage is a sacred covenant between a man and a woman, ordained by God, characterized by love, commitment, and mutual respect. It is a lifelong union that reflects the divine relationship between Christ and the Church, providing a framework for companionship, support, and growth for spouses and their families.

Now that the different definitions are clear, in the next part, I’ll be looking into how these 3 levels of commitment appear in the African culture, the Western culture and the Christian culture.

Stay Blessed x