Celestial Diary

2024 is almost over, and let’s face it—this year has been a rollercoaster for singles. Every time I open my socials, it’s like a highlight reel of people my age (and let’s not forget, younger) tying the knot, buying homes, honeymooning in dreamy locations, or welcoming babies. You know, doing all those big adult things. And then there’s me—still trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m officially 25.

And it’s not just social media coming for me. Family gatherings? A whole other battlefield. The questions, the raised eyebrows, the thinly veiled hints—it’s relentless. My parents have even started to worry out loud that I might stay single forever if I “keep this up.”

Do I want a significant other? Absolutely! But am I losing sleep over not being married right now? Not really, Mr. Right knows where to find me whenever he decides to show up.

Proverbs 18:22
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”

I personally believe everyone has their own timeline (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8), and some things just shouldn’t be forced. Sure, we all reach a stage in life where we have to start thinking about the kind of future we want and actively work toward it. But at the end of the day, our generation views marriage differently.

That said, the way my inner circle seems so deeply concerned about my love life had me questioning: is my lack of urgency a me problem or just part of a larger trend? So, I decided to ask around—how do my peers really feel about relationships and the pressure to get married? I didn’t want to steer the conversation in any particular direction, but after hearing their answers, one thing became clear: I’m definitely not alone in my way of thinking.

Yes, a lot of us are studying longer, aiming to be accomplished before committing to something serious, working on ourselves and let’s be honest—holding out for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect. But beyond those obvious reasons, there are also subtle, often unconscious things that hold us back.

The Questions I asked were:

• Are you married, single or dating?
• What are the difficulties you experienced as a young adult when it came to relationships?
• What are your fears when it comes to relationships?
• Would you like to have a relationship like your parents?
• How would you compare romantic relationships now to romantic relationships in the past?
• How hard was it from being single to being in a relationship?
• What if you never get married?

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I’m married and one of the difficulties I experienced in the area of relationships was communication. Something I consider a fear of mine, would be the death of my significant other. I wouldn’t want a relationship like my parents. If I was to compare my past and present relationships, I would say there is a difference in my level of tolerance. Now I’m married, I have someone to talk to, that’s something I didn’t have while single. One thing I would say is I wished I actually took a bit of time because getting married and immediately having kids is a whole life changing experience that no one tells you about and also you never get to fully prepare for. Even with the right person, marriage isn’t easy and starting a family is even more difficult because everything about you changes and 101% precent of your entire life goes to your kids and your partner.

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Female

30+

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I’m in a relationship. I don’t believe relationships are hard if you choose right, communicate, and are confident and honest. So far I haven’t experienced much difficulties. What I can classify as a fear is experiencing a significant change in key personality traits of my partner. I would NOT want to have a relationship like my parents. Looking back and comparing my past to now, my relationships are more mature, more balanced and healthier. It wasn’t hard to get into a relationship and I’ve always been fine – single or dating. If I never get married, then I’ll never have to worry about getting a divorce.

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Male

23 years

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I’m not in a relationship. I find it difficult to find the right person that aligns with my beliefs, morals, values and someone of a similar socio-economic background. A fear of mine is losing my identity in my relationship. I do NOT want a relationship like my parents and I think with how times have changed, people and standards changed along with it. Not getting married is not in my destiny but if there’s even a slightest chance, that won’t stop me from living my best life.

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Female

26 years

These are real struggles—so many people don’t know how to communicate with each other. It sounds crazy, but at the same time, it’s completely understandable. We weren’t all raised the same way, didn’t go through the same experiences, and have very different coping mechanisms. So, expecting two people to seamlessly come together as one? That takes a whole lot of patience, love, understanding, and, most importantly, communication. Unfortunately our generation doesn’t have the patience to endure the rocky stages.

Dating is challenging on its own, but dating as a Christian adds an entirely new layer of difficulty. You’re trying to get to know the other person with the right intentions, stay within boundaries, avoid sin and temptation—yet still want to feel loved and cherished (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). On top of that, you’re navigating your own insecurities and fears while also reassuring your significant other. And let’s be honest—sometimes you’re not even sure if you’ve made the right choice. All you can do is hope and pray that the love you’re building will stand the test of time.

I’m in a courtship and one of the difficulties I experienced was honesty around men, especially those in the body of Christ. A lot of men behave like they know what they want but at the end of the day, they don’t really know. Some are also speaking with multiple people at the same time only to marry someone else in the next six months. The second difficulty I experienced was communication. My fears when it comes to relationships was understanding the voice of God; knowing if God is leading me, am I sure of this person? Also fearing the unknown, you can’t live together as a child of God, you can’t be alone in certain places, you only know what they show you. I don’t want a relationship like my parents. Right now I’m in a long distance relationship and I’ve learned to see genuine intent. Before I would be suspicious of kindness but now i know its genuine without any strings attached. The transition from being single to being in a relationship wasn’t hard because it’s long distance so seeing each other every day might be different. If I never get married, I won’t mind dedicating my life to God. I can be happily single and I can be happily married.

Female, 30+

I am single and personally I haven’t experienced many difficulties. I have noticed that in church we don’t really have teachings on how to start a relationship from a biblical perspective. Our examples are mostly worldly views and the outside noise covers the teachings we ought to receive from the church when it comes to relationships. I don’t really have fears, but I do have things that I make sure to be aware of; like being prepared, doing research, carrying it to God, asking for advice and making sure I don’t make the same mistakes the people around me are making. I would like to have a better relationship than my parents, mentors and those around me. Biblically our purpose in life isn’t to get married, even Jesus fulfilled His ministry without getting married. Our focus isn’t marriage, we put too much energy on marriage and dating. Our main purpose is to seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness, because there is a purpose as to why He placed us here on earth. After all this, then blessings will come, just as the bible says.

Male, 25 years

Another reason this journey is so tough is that the Bible doesn’t give us a step-by-step guide on how to succeed in marriage. Everyone interprets the Scriptures in their own way, picking and choosing what fits their perspective. It’s frustrating, because marriage is supposed to be a picture of God’s love, but navigating it without a clear blueprint can be overwhelming. There is a limit to how much preparation one can do before taking any step and even with all the preparation, back up plans and advice, nothing can ever prepare us for the real deal. As long as we’re dealing with other humans, romantic relationships will always be unknown territory.

The fact that we don’t want relationships like our parents’ is actually alarming when you think about it—because they’re often our first examples of love. Whether believers or not, every relationship faces struggles, but it’s especially frightening when those who are supposed to set a good example aren’t doing so well themselves. And yet, they still urge us to get married. It makes you wonder: Why rush us into a situation you yourself aren’t even happy with, all just for the sake of wanting grandkids?

Love is a double-edged sword; it’s incredibly beautiful when done right, but it can cause a lot of damage when things go wrong.

Each generation gains ‘more’ knowledge than the one before, striving to do better, to avoid repeating past mistakes. While many of us might not think it’s the end of the world if we end up single, I know for a fact that in the past, someone in that position would’ve been labeled as problematic.

To my dear parents who might be reading this, fear not—I shall get married one day, and give you a bunch of grandkids to babysit but I want to take my time. Don’t be too eager to kick me out just yet. Taking my time to get this right doesn’t mean I’ll marry too late. Some people get it right on the first try, others take their time, and some need more trials before they get it right.

The same Bible that says “man should not be alone” (Genesis 2:18) is also the one that says marriage isn’t for everyone (Matthew 19:11-12). Some of us are damaged, scared, cautious, and skeptical, but at the end of the day we still want to love others and be loved. After all, love conquers all right?

Stay Blessed x