In honor of an upcoming event by Cross Connect on the 28th of November, I’ve been thinking and talking about relationships a lot! Not just romantic relationships but also familial bonds, friendships and even relationships with colleagues and fellow ministers.
What are my values and beliefs? What is holding me back from loving freely? Who do I want to be associated with, and am I showing up for others to the best of my abilities?
But since the upcoming event is on romantic relationships, let’s look into that (again lol).
The last wedding I went to, the officiating minister mentioned how trust meant you don’t have a plan B, and that statement has been stuck in my mind ever since.
I don’t think I have ever not had a plan B, even when dealing with my own self, which maybe means I have trust issues.
I’m a big lover of love and very, very deep down a hopeless romantic, but unfortunately, I have seen and heard too much for me to allow myself to walk through life with pink-colored glasses. Love isn’t blind on this side of the screen!
Relationships don’t work out simply because people love each other; they work out because people put in the work.
It isn’t easy to pick one person out of the billions roaming around and decide to do life with them. What if they’re not the one? What if they die? What if you fall out of love? What if they break you?
I’m 100% convinced love isn’t an emotion but a choice! You make the intentional decision: I choose you. Even though you’re not perfect. I choose you even if there are other choices (because believe me, the grass will look greener on the other side). It means choosing to open yourself up to another, allowing them to see the good, bad, ugly and damaged parts of yourself while trusting they won’t use it against you.
I have heard so many stories (both within and outside of the church), and I’ve seen the damage love can do to a person, and YET God calls us to love one another! Mark 12:30-31
Not only brotherly love but also love in marriage; He taught us to sacrifice ourselves for one another just like how He laid His life for us (Ephesians 5:25).
This shows us that love isn’t logical and it shouldn’t be calculated; we see in the Bible how Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek after being slapped (Matthew 5:39). Be honest, if someone were to slap you or betray you, would you give them another chance? Yet it is that selfless and sacrificial love that is expected from us.
We tend to be hyper-focused on the sweet side of love:
- Having someone to talk to
- Your own personal cuddle buddy
- An exclusive sexual partner
- Someone to take aesthetic pictures with
- ….
But we tend to forget the ugly side of life:
- Will they stay when you’re financially empty?
- How do they show up in moments of sickness?
- Do they support and encourage your dreams and aspirations?
- Can they hold you up when you hit rock bottom?
- …..
And I think we sometimes forget to look at ourselves when looking for a partner. We have this long list of things we want from someone else, but how much of that are we willing to give in return? We want patience, communication, understanding, support and grace, but are we also willing to be that person?
Love can really sting!
Also, what happens when you’re willing to choose someone and they don’t choose you back? Love doesn’t guarantee reciprocity. You can love someone genuinely and still have to accept that they may not be able to love you in the same way. Or someone might tick off all your boxes, meanwhile, you’re not what they’re looking for in a partner. How do we deal with that slap in the face?
Sometimes you meet the right person but at the wrong time, knowing deep down in your heart you would’ve been perfect together if not for the circumstances.
To top it off, the fact that we can’t be 100% sure they’re the right person for us makes it even scarier. Because what if you did, in fact, choose the wrong person? Then what? People change every day; the person you fell in love with today might not be the same person you’re married to 10 years later. Will you end the relationship?
What if they are indeed the one God intended for you, but it does not look that way at all? A God-ordained relationship doesn’t mean you won’t experience hardships, or you won’t have disagreements. If anything, I believe it means that during the good times, the stormy weather and maybe even the famine, you have someone with whom you can weather it all.
Being vulnerable remains a very scary thing, but at the same time, what is more beautiful than knowing you can be your authentic self without shame?
Name a better feeling than finding your soulmate; someone you can build forever with, having mini versions of yourself and living your best life together serving God.
I truly admire the people that can maintain a healthy married life! It takes patience, wisdom, growth from both sides, compromise, counseling and true love.
Show love to someone this week and allow yourself to be loved in return!
Stay Blessed x
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