Celestial Diary

In a previous post on relationships (read here) I talked about what marriage means and why it’s important to us as Christians. Unfortunately, not all 21st-century Christians see marriage as something sacred anymore. This can be due to personal experiences, cultural differences, trauma, fear, or even lack of knowledge.

Lately, the question I get asked the most in social settings is, “So, when are you getting married?” I find it funny because I still see myself as young, and just a few years ago, I was being told to stay away from boys. But since the topic keeps coming up, it’s made me really think about what marriage is, why I should even consider it, and what kind of marriage I want for myself.

It’s not just my family members urging me to find Mr. Right—marriage has become a hot topic during lunch and phone conversations with my girlfriends too. The importance and expectations surrounding marriage have changed a lot compared to the old days, and it’s something I’ve been reflecting on.

• Does happily ever after really exist?
• Are those around me happy in their marriage?
• Is being alone such a bad thing?
• What is in it for me to get married?
• What if I get fed up after a while?
• Am I worthy of unconditional love?
• What if I do everything right but it still doesn’t work out?

I’ve heard these questions so many times over the years, and honestly, sometimes the answers don’t convince me that marriage is all that great. If we’re being honest, marriage can be a pretty scary thing. You choose one person out of billions—someone with their own strengths and flaws—and decide they’re the one you want to spend your whole life with and build a family. It’s a huge decision, and the outcome is something you can never fully predict.

Even though we’re Christians and have the Bible as a guide for handling life, we still live here on earth with other people, each with their own ways of thinking, habits, values, and secrets. Honestly, even marrying an archbishop doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage. So, what’s the point of it all?

Marriage began as both a religious and social institution, with roots in ancient civilizations where it was often used to form alliances, manage property, and ensure family lineage. In the Bible, marriage is depicted as a divine union, while other cultures also viewed it as sacred.

Over time, the Christian Church formalized marriage as a sacrament, emphasizing its spiritual and moral significance. By the modern era, marriage became a legal contract governed by civil law, with contemporary views focusing on love, partnership, and equality, though traditional and religious values still play a significant role today.

Historically, marriage was about survival, social status, and family alliances. Men were seen as providers, and women were primarily responsible for home and child-rearing. Marriage was often arranged, and love was secondary. By the 19th century, the idea of marrying for love became more prominent, especially in Western societies. This shift brought new expectations, where personal happiness and emotional fulfillment became central to marriage.

The dynamics of marriage have evolved significantly over time, transitioning from traditional, rigid roles focused on survival and family alliances to partnerships rooted in love, equality, and mutual respect. Over the centuries we’ve seen how people have tried to resolve common conflicts related to gender roles, financial stress, infidelity, and communication breakdowns (sometimes by means of open dialogue and counseling). Despite the progress, several topics are still difficult to talk about because people feel personally attacked when questions are asked; such as divorce, sexual intimacy, abuse, interfaith or interracial marriages, gender roles in parenting, and non-traditional arrangements like having a prenup.

Some of the “solutions” to these issues often create new problems because both sides are unwilling to compromise. Men want their partners to obey, honor, respect, and submit to them, while women are looking for a partner to care for them and love them, not an extra child to take care of.

As someone who has been single all her life, I won’t pretend to have the answers or a perfect solution to these questions. The Bible also doesn’t provide clear-cut answers, leaving room for both right and wrong interpretations. Sometimes, seeking advice or going for counseling can even complicate a couple’s relationship further. So what’s the solution? Love alone clearly isn’t enough to keep two people together; both partners need to put in the effort to make the relationship work.

The institution of marriage has been complicated by previous generations, leading the current one to resist the sacrifices that earlier couples made. Everyone believes they know better and wants things to go their own way, but that undermines the true purpose of marriage. For two to become one, individuals must let go of the parts that don’t align with their shared goals and vision.

Sometimes I find myself obsessing on everything I don’t want in a man or in my marriage that I forget how imperfect I am. If I do find the man of my dreams, would I fit the list he has for himself? Should we even be making a list in the first place or should we just surrender to whoever God sends our way?

It’s a never-ending cycle of questions and answers, and I sometimes think we make marriage too serious. Yet, if we’re too casual about it, we end up with the mess we see in the 21st century. Finding the right balance is key, but it can be challenging.

I pray for all singles out there struggling to survive in the dating pool because we truly need divine intervention. May we find our destined partners who will support our journey and to whom we can be true helpers and companions.

Stay Blessed x