Growing up, how many of us heard the saying:
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” — Proverbs 22:6
And often right alongside it:
“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” — Proverbs 13:24
For many of us, these verses were quoted whenever our parents wanted to discipline us.
But the question we must ask is: what do these Scriptures actually mean?
Does “train up a child” mean that once a child is raised a certain way they can never change?
Does “the rod” mean children should be beaten so they don’t become spoiled?
One thing we often forget is that children are not raised in isolation. They are shaped by:
- what they see
- what they hear
- what is modeled around them
Everyone they come across in life plays a role; intentionally or unintentionally.
God never intended for children to be raised in isolation. He also never designed parenting to be a one-person assignment. And He definitely never expected young people to grow without guidance, correction, and love from more than one voice.
Sometimes I watch how people behave and can’t help but shake my head and think, ‘Who raised these kids?
Is it their parents? The church? The school system? Social media? Friends and peers?
Because whether we acknowledge it or not, someone is shaping the next generation.
It’s easy to judge or point fingers when you’re not in the middle of it.
Yes, I know I don’t have kids yet, so I haven’t experienced it firsthand but I’m not here to cast blame.
Parenting is holy work. It’s emotional, exhausting, and requires putting others before yourself. If you know you’re not ready to do that, then please, don’t have children.
As a parent, you are expected to provide, protect, discipline, and nurture. And often, there’s this unspoken expectation that you should get everything right. But sometimes we forget that this is your first life too, and it’s okay if you don’t always know exactly what you’re doing.
But I don’t think God expected us to raise our kids with our own wisdom/knowledge.
Ephesians 6:4 tells us:
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Part of godly parenting is allowing other godly voices into your child’s life.
Sometimes that looks like mentors, church leaders, family members or teachers.
The village is not a threat to your parental authority. If anything it is a support system for your assignment.
On the other hand it isn’t easy either being a youth. You are growing, changing, discovering who you are, and trying to figure out where you belong.
But you are surrounded by opinions, exposed to pressure and sometimes, it can feel like everyone has something to say about how you should live.
But Correction is not rejection, guidance is not control and boundaries are not punishment.
Scripture says in 1 Timothy 4:12:
“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity
Under normal circumstances the village exists to protect you, not to police you. They are supposed to guide you, not to control you and supposed to cover you, not to crush you. If you find yourself in a village doing more damage than good, it’s a good idea to leave that village.
Because when the village is silent or harmful, the world becomes loud and the deception of safety creeps in. When the church steps back, culture takes over.
If we do not help raise our children, social media or the secular world will. If we do not teach them truth, the world will teach them confusion. If we do not model faith, something else will model fear.
In the book of Judges 2:10 we read:
“After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what He had done for Israel.”
This did not happen because God failed. It happened because a generation failed to pass it on. And we can already see it happening today: children raised in church all their lives who step away because faith became more of a habit than a personal relationship with God; children whose parents say one thing but do another; or children whose parents don’t prioritize teaching them about God and their purpose.
Before I round up, now let us return to the Scripture that is often misunderstood.
“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” — Proverbs 13:24
This verse is not a license for abuse nor is it permission for anger-driven punishment. In Scripture, the “rod” represents guidance, correction, and authority, not uncontrolled violence.
Psalm 23 reminds us:
“Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”
The rod in the hands of a shepherd was used to guide and protect the sheep. Not to teach them a lesson (sheep are dumb so imagine hitting them every time they were disobedient).
Whenever parents discipline a child without love, it produces rebellion.
But on the other hand love without discipline produces confusion.
Hebrews 12:11 says:
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
Discipline is about formation and therefore the goal of discipline is not to break a child’s spirit,
but to shape their character.
Proverbs 29:17 says:
“Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.”
Godly discipline should produce peace and not fear.
What is Godly Discipline?
1. Discipline must be rooted in love
- Hebrews 12:6: The Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as His son.
- Discipline without love becomes damaging and can lead to resentment
- Rules without relationship lead to rebellion
- Children must know they are loved before they are corrected
2. Discipline must be consistent, not emotional
- God disciplines with purpose, not anger
- James 1:20: Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
- Discipline should not be a reaction fueled by frustration. It should be a response guided by wisdom
- Consistency gives children security, while unpredictability creates fear
3. Discipline must teach, not just punish
- Proverbs 1:8: Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
- Discipline without explanation becomes meaningless
- Correction must always come with instruction
- Ask the child:
- Do you understand what went wrong?
- Do you understand what is expected next time?
- Discipline should always point toward growth
4. Discipline must be age-appropriate
- Correction looks different at different stages of development
- It’s important to consider; the child’s age and emotional maturity
- One method does not fit every child
5. Discipline must be modeled
- Children imitate what they see more than what they hear (don’t be a hypocrite).
- Demanding respect without showing it weakens authority
- We teach best by example
6. Discipline must point to God
- The goal is not well-behaved children, but godly adults
- Discipline should lead children to understand: accountability and repentance
- Proverbs 3:11–12:
“Do not despise the Lord’s discipline… because the Lord disciplines those He loves.” - When discipline reflects God’s heart, children learn that correction is part of love, not the absence of it
To cut the long story short: raising a child to become a decent adult and a proper human being is a shared responsibility. Parents should be supported, not shamed. Children should be seen and heard. And the church is the perfect place for these two to come together, with the love of God at the center.
We are the village God designed. When the village is healthy and present, children grow strong, faith is passed on, and God’s purpose is fulfilled.
Check your village and check yourself. What needs to be changed and how can you be that change?
Stay Blessed x
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