Celestial Diary

Listening means paying attention to sounds, especially when people are talking, and trying to understand what they’re saying. It involves different parts of our thinking and behavior, like wanting to listen, understanding what’s being said, and responding appropriately.

As I grow older, I’ve come to notice the diverse ways people communicate and the effect it has on the relationship. Some grasp a message effortlessly, while others require repetition to understand. Personally, I don’t have the patience to continuously repeat myself unless it’s a matter of life or death. When something concerns me or I need assistance, I address it. If I’ve mentioned it three times without progress, I refrain from repeating it, because to me it’s a sign that the recipient is unable or unwilling to listen.

Fortunately, not everyone shares my impatience. Without persistent individuals, I doubt the world would have progressed as far as it has. Teachers, parents, and leaders exemplify patience as they persist until the message sinks in, and I applaud them for their dedication.

However, I believe our greatest challenge in effective communication lies in 3 aspects which can be easily found in the definition of listening:

1. Wanting to listen
2. Understanding what is being said
3. Responding appropriately
   

Effective listening is crucial for problem-solving and fostering clear communication, while poor listening habits often lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. This challenge is universal, affecting us all as humans, whether we are aware of it or not.

1. Wanting to listen: When we don’t like what someone is saying, we might hear their words, but we don’t really listen. Instead, we’re busy thinking about our own arguments and don’t take in what they’re saying. That’s not really listening.
2. Understanding what is being said: Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we struggle to understand what someone is saying. This can happen due to cultural differences, different perspectives, language barriers, and more. While it’s clear the other person is trying to communicate, when the message isn’t getting through, it’s important to consider a different approach.
3. Responding appropriately: This often leads to arguments if not done correctly. You can take the time to listen to someone and understand their point, but the conversation can still go wrong if you respond inappropriately. For example, if I tell you I’m tired after a long day, and you respond with ‘I’m tired too,’ it dismisses my feelings and can cause frustration when a simple hug might have been what I was subtly asking for.

The expectations and responsibilities society has for us vary depending on the roles and identity we take on. A mother’s responsibilities differ slightly from those of a sister. Accordingly, the level of attentiveness required also varies and not being able to adapt correctly will lead to another set of problems.

As Christians: we often overlook the scriptures that point out our shortcomings. Even during church services, we may feel offended by sermons that sound harsh or take scriptures out of context. The most concerning are those who knowingly choose to do wrong despite understanding what is right, demonstrating a sense of rebellion.

James 1:22-24
²² Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 
²³ Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 
²⁴ and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

As Parents: many of us struggle to truly listen to our children because they believe our age automatically equates to wisdom. While experience often brings insight, it doesn’t invalidate the thoughts, feelings, and questions of a child. For instance, if a child expresses interest in art and asks questions, some parents may still scold them for a poor science grade, comparing them to other children instead of nurturing their natural talent through programs or support.

As Children: too many of us may struggle to heed our parent’s guidance, just as parents sometimes overlook their children’s voices. However, it’s essential to recognize that children are still developing and may not always want to listen, depending on their age and phase of development. While disobedience is never excusable, behaviors such as a toddler throwing a tantrum or a teenager lying about their whereabouts can be somewhat normal depending on the circumstances. Even the bible has a clear standpoint on obeying our parents; Proverbs 6:20
My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.

Practice active listening

How can we improve our listening skills? Making simple adjustments can greatly impact the outcome of a conversation. Whether it’s at school, with a friend, or during a meeting, active listening is a useful skill.

1. Pay Attention: Focus your full attention on the speaker, maintaining eye contact (WITHOUT staring) and avoiding distractions. It’s not the time to be on your phone or watching a movie. It’s frustrating when you’re trying to hold a conversation with someone who can’t spare their focus.
2. Show Interest: Demonstrate genuine interest in what the speaker is saying through verbal and nonverbal cues, such as nodding and asking clarifying questions.
3. Avoid Interrupting: Allow the speaker to finish their thoughts without interrupting. This shows respect and helps maintain the flow of conversation. This is much easier said than done but suppress the urge to cut someone off mid-sentence, as it can be seen as annoying and rude (Proverbs 18:13 To answer before listening, that is folly and shame).
4. Provide Feedback: Offer feedback to show you understand the speaker’s message. Summarizing what was said shows the other person that you actually heard them and reflected on what they said (after all you can’t make a decent summary without reflecting on the speaker’s emotions).
5. Empathize: Try to understand the speaker’s perspective and emotions, putting yourself in their shoes to foster empathy and connection. You might still have a different opinion but try to see where they’re coming from.
6. Be Open-Minded: Approach the conversation with an open mind, suspending judgment and biases to fully understand the speaker’s viewpoint.
7. Practice Patience: Be patient and avoid rushing the conversation. Give the speaker time to express themselves fully.

Try it out on someone this week and make note of their reaction! I’m curious to know how it went.

Stay Blessed x