Each day comes with its own share of conflict. It could be something as small as getting stuck in traffic, receiving disappointing school results, an argument with a friend or family member, dealing with frustrating colleagues, or even just battling fluctuating emotions. But the real issue isn’t the presence of conflict; it’s how we choose to handle it.
Everyone has their own way of coping. Personally, I’ll speak up the first few times, but if the issue persists, I stop addressing it. If my words are falling on deaf ears, why waste my breath? I hate nagging and unnecessary complaints, so I’d rather distance myself from the person testing my patience. Is this the right approach? Probably not, but for me, it feels like the lesser of two evils. I know that if I let my frustration boil over, I might say something I regret and sin in anger, so silence seems like the safer option.
But what does the Bible say? How does God instruct us to handle conflict? And most importantly, what would Jesus do in these situations?
1. Avoiding Conflict: Choosing Silence Over Strife
Conflict Style:
Avoiding means withdrawing from a conflict, delaying confrontation, or ignoring an issue altogether. It may seem like an easy way out, but it can also leave problems unresolved.
Biblical Perspective:
There are times when avoiding conflict is wise, especially when emotions are high or the argument is pointless. Proverbs 17:14 says, “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” Once you’ve said something hurtful to someone, the damage has already been done and no matter how many times you try to apologize, the scar will still remain so sometimes it’s best to remain silent.
However, avoiding important issues can lead to resentment and unresolved problems. Jesus teaches in Matthew 18:15 to address conflicts directly when someone sins against you.
One can choose to avoid a situation when the issue is minor, emotions need time to settle, or wisdom calls for patience. But doing this can also lead to unresolved tensions and broken relationships.
2. Accommodating: Turning the Other Cheek
Conflict Style:
Accommodating means giving in to the other person’s needs, even at your own expense. This style prioritizes peace over personal preferences.
Biblical Perspective:
Jesus taught selflessness, saying in Matthew 5:39, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” Philippians 2:3-4 tells us to value others above ourselves, not looking to our own interests but to the interests of others.
However, always giving in may lead to being taken advantage of or neglecting God’s truth for the sake of peace (Galatians 1:10). This happens in a lot of relationships where one is more forgiving and understanding than the other. Sometimes people also accommodate because they’re scared of ruining the relationship. For them maintaining peace is more important than “winning” the argument, or when the relationship matters more than the issue. This is a great attitude to have but can also be damaging to one’s mental health. Never give someone the opportunity to take advantage of you all in the name of being understanding and accommodating.
3. Competing: Standing Firm in Truth
Conflict Style:
Competing means asserting your viewpoint strongly and pushing for your way, even at the expense of others.
Biblical Perspective:
When it comes to the things of God it is very important to stand firm and not compromise our values and morals. Paul boldly confronted Peter’s hypocrisy in Galatians 2:11-14 because the gospel was at stake. Jesus drove people out of the temple in anger because they were turning it into a market (Matthew 21:12-13).
Ephesians 6:13 tells us to “put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground.” Meaning to be ready for attack so we’re not caught unaware when the enemy sneaks in or when unbelievers try to challenge our faith.
However, a prideful and argumentative spirit is different and is not godly (Proverbs 13:10 “Pride leads to conflict.”). If we compete just to “win,” we may cause unnecessary division. Arrogant and stubborn people are exhausting to be around and sooner or later they end up alone because no one wants to deal with that. It can sometimes make someone close minded and can become manipulative if it is constantly at the expense of others.
This is almost the opposite of accommodating the other person. When it has to do with defending biblical truth, standing against injustice, or making crucial decisions, then yes one has to be unwavering and firm. But when it’s excessive, it can lead to arrogance, broken relationships, or prideful arguments.
4. Compromising: Seeking Fairness
Conflict Style:
Compromising finds a middle ground where both sides give up something to reach an agreement.
Biblical Perspective:
Romans 12:18 teaches, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
However, we should never compromise on God’s truth. Some things, like our faith, cannot be negotiated (Daniel 3:16-18).
Both sides need to find a fair solution, and biblical values are not compromised. There is no ‘fair’ side to Christianity and we cannot negotiate sin with God. The compromise isn’t worth it if it waters down God’s truth or leaves both parties unsatisfied.
Relationships are a perfect example of the importance of compromising. You can’t have a successful relationship with another human being of you don’t know how to compromise. The world does not revolve around us and sometimes we need to let go of certain habits, wants and needs in order to move forward.
5. Collaborating: Seeking a Win-Win Solution
Conflict Style:
Collaborating works toward a solution that benefits everyone involved, taking the time to truly understand each perspective.
Biblical Perspective:
Jesus modeled collaboration by bringing people together for a common goal. He united Jews and Gentiles through the gospel (Ephesians 2:14-16).
Matthew 18:15-17 encourages reconciliation and peacemaking; first approaching the person privately, then involving others if needed. Apologies if you’re in the wrong and accept the apology of the other party when they offer it. Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and be the bigger person (easier said than done of course).
James 1:19 reminds us to “be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” True collaboration requires humility, patience, and a focus on God’s will, not personal gain. It’s important that both parties seek an outcome that glorifies God and strengthens relationships. It can’t work if people are unwilling to listen.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to conflict. God was sometimes angry, quiet, forgiving and even firm. As Christians, we should use wisdom and discernment to choose the right response based on the situation.
- If emotions are high, avoidance might be best (Proverbs 17:14).
- If someone is hurting, accommodation will show Christ-like love (Philippians 2:3-4).
- If truth is under attack, competing may be the way to go (Ephesians 6:13).
- If a fair solution is needed, compromising should be considered (Romans 12:18).
- If reconciliation is possible, collaborating is ideal (James 1:19).
It might seem silly to think about our conflict style but the whole point of Christianity is for us to reshape our lives in a way pleasing to God while serving Him. By thinking of the ways we react in certain situations, we can make a difference. Not only would we represent Jesus Christ in a better way, we’d also improve our relationships with our fellow brethren here on earth.
What is my conflict style? What triggers me? How can I deal with this? Does my conflict style align with biblical principles?
Stay Blessed x
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